Pew-pew! Who hasn’t uttered those words while returning make-believe fire at a blaster-toting enemy? Laura “Vice Admiral Holdo” Dern even pew-pewed while acting in The Last Jedi – and she had a whole Disney sound effects department on her team.
But the big rival for kids’ ballistic affections these days isn’t movies – it’s video games. The Nerf Blaster launched in 1989, the year the Nintendo Game Boy landed. Ever since, when kids want to let off a few rounds of Health & Safety-compliant ammo, they’ve had to make a tough choice: the comfort of the joypad or the breathless pursuit of “spongy backyard warfare”?
Since 2019, Hasbro has bridged the gap between foam-based weaponry and the digital realm with a range of Fortnite- and Halo-themed Nerf Guns. TheToyZone shares this love of firing different brands at each other to see what sticks. So here’s our new, imaginary range of NERD (Non-Existing Recreational Dart) Blasters inspired by some of gaming’s most iconic weapons.
1. Cyberpunk 2077 Blaster
It’s Skippy, the talking gun! People have a lot of disdain for gaming’s most disastrous release of 2020, but how can you hate a game that posits Clippy the Microsoft Office Assistant as a stone-cold killer?
Part Siri, part Mr. Meeseeks, Skippy is the sidekick you don’t have to share your snacks with. And let’s not forget that Cyberpunk 2077’s Skippy comes with a Puppy-Loving Pacifist mode. In NERD Blaster terms, we reckon that means your Skippy NERD blaster can be used as an automatic dog ball launcher. Keep the kids happy, keep Rover happy.
You can now own the original digital art: Skippy Blaster NFT
2. Half-Life II Blaster
Hope you can fire it faster than you can say it: it’s the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator (aka Gravity Gun), NERD edition! (It’s definitely not a toy, Alyx.)
The main advantage to using our NERD Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator is that there’s no stopping to reload. Instead of ammunition, the blaster manipulates the undercurrents of matter via its glowing orange Xen crystal. The main disadvantage is that Xen crystals don’t actually exist. Still, we’ll leave it to Hasbro to figure out a technical solution – you can do lots of weird and wonderful stuff with foam these days.
You can now own the original digital art: Gravity Gun Blaster NFT
3. Doom Blaster
The Doom arsenal describes the Super Shotgun as a “devastating close-range weapon,” which “presents plenty of risk and reward.” This old-skool blaster will knock even the biggest assailant/brother off their feet – but you’d better get it right the first time because you’ll have to reload to blast again.
The shotgun has been favored by countless legendary figures, from “Doc” Holiday to Elmer Fudd. But Doom brought ‘the old side by side’ into the 22nd century. The Super Shotgun features prominently in Doom artwork and will look just as imposing when you emerge with it from the garden shed.
You can now own the original digital art: Doom Super Shotgun NFT
4. GoldenEye 007 Blaster
Watch out, Junior; your dad will want a go with this one! You may know the Golden Gun as the second-best weapon in the Goldeneye 007 video game, but older generations know it as Francisco Scaramanga’s weapon of choice in the 1974 movie, The Man With The Golden Gun.
The original golden gun was disguised as a cigarette lighter and case, a pen, and a cufflink, which had to be pieced together before use. Reckon the barrel of the NERD Golden Gun is a luxury PEZ dispenser in disguise?
You can now own the original digital art: GoldenEye 007 Blaster NFT
5. Team Fortress 2 Blaster
TF2 is a no-nonsense military game, so we picked a no-nonsense weapon for NERD-ification. The Demoman’s default weapon is a hefty proposition, but iconic for its fold-out crosshair and gargantuan grenade chambers.
The foam darts for the NERD Grenade Launcher are the biggest in the range and will buy you a few seconds if you manage to get one on target. If your foam grenade lands close to your enemy, then after 2.3 seconds, they are contractually obliged to make an exploding sound with their mouth and jump backwards onto the ground.
You can now own the original digital art: TF2 Grenade Launcher NFT
6. Fallout 3 Blaster
It is the 23rd century, and humankind has been devastated by a global foam war. Spongy ghouls (little sisters) wander the yard, made necrotic by years of post-war foamification. Your weapon of survival is the Fat Man – a nuclear foam dart catapult that requires great skill to operate.
The Fat Man of Fallout 3 was inspired by the real-life M-388 Davy Crockett Tactical Nuclear Recoilless Rifle. But its ‘ting-a-ling’ sound effect was taken from a more everyday source: the Bethesda Softworks’ café. If TheToyZone had a canteen, we would happily lend our bell to the NERD sound effects team.
You can now own the original digital art: Fallout 3 Fat Man Blaster NFT
7. Destiny 2 Blaster
What is a NERD Blaster good for, if not defending Earth from alien invaders (kids next door)? The Ace of Spades is a bespoke hand cannon from the alien universe of Destiny 2. More than a pistol, the Ace of Spades can auto-reload, and a precision kill causes an explosion.
As an ‘exotic’ rarity, Fallout gamers must complete a special quest to obtain it. The special quest for the NERD Ace of Spades is not to get in any more trouble at school before Christmas. And go get Mom a Klondike from the store.
You can now own the original digital art: Destiny 2 Blaster NFT
Some video games can’t be constrained to the little plastic boxes you play them on.
If you prefer video game themed gifts be sure to check out:
Fair Use Statement
If you choose to share these blaster concepts, please credit TheToyZone by linking back to this page. That way the creators of these designs can be recognized for their work and your readers can explore the project in full.
